just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
