Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
