Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
