My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
