Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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