I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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