Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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