He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
