i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
