Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
