I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
