I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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