My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
