How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize