I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
