is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
