If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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