I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize