I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
