i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
