And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
