3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
