Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
