You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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