Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
