if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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