Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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