Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
