I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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