a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
