Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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