You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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