I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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