Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
