oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
