...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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