What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
