It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
