if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
