ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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