His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
