I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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