im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
