peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
accomplished twins. life is a go
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
