i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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