I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
