fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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