capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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