i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I stole a fireplace last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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