Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
