do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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