help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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