New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
