I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize