i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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