in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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