I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
