If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
