you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
