So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
