Porn is love you can see.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
