i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
