i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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