i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd cum for enchiladas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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