I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
