dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
