would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize