Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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