Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
