all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
