i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
