i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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