i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
jump out the window naked night went bad
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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