3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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