I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
