Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
