you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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