the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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