We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
