just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
