i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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