im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
