So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
