Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
