I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
