we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize