there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
