Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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