is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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