guys are not supposed to queef...right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
