She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
