Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
