Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
