He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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