Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
