i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
