evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
