He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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