Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
