He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just high enough for therapy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize