i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
