I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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