I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
