after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
as a side note pls kill me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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