the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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