I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
