After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just high enough for therapy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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