No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize