happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
