So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
