threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize