Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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