Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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