Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
