Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
