Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
