he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
